Page 19 - Flathead Beacon // 7.20.16

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How to Get Your Kids to REALLY Talk to You
ALPINE APOTHECARY
The STOP Underage Drinking in the Flathead Coalition has devoted the last 12 years to implementing strategies that reduce the availability of alcohol to our youth, improving the enforcement and effectiveness of underage drinking laws, and change our alcohol related community norms. We are represented by more than 20 agencies that are committed to keeping our Flathead youth safe and alcohol-free. One of our most important resources has been parents. We offer many educational materials, family-oriented events, and public presentations to help parents begin and improve communication about the dangers of alcohol use with their kids. The following commentary, by Joseph A. Califano, Jr. is one of many resources from ParentsLead.org, designed to help parents talk to their kids about alcohol and drug use.
“As a parent, you have the greatest power to in uence your children – even your teenage children. You have more power than any law; any peer pressure; any teacher or coach; any religious leader; any music, lm, or website; movie star, or athlete – even more than any sister, brother, aunt, or uncle,” says Califano.
“Parental engagement isn’t rocket science. It’s hands-on parenting. It’s relaxing with your kids, having frequent family dinners, supervising them, setting boundaries, instilling values, and establishing standards of behavior (and consequences for failure to meet those standards). It’s showing interest in their school, friends, and social activities; loving and disciplining them; and being a good role model.”
Youcanempoweryourchildrentomake sensible, healthy choices throughout their teen years. The key to “parent power” is being engaged in your children’s lives. Children of hands-on parents are far less likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs – and – those who reach age 21 without using are almost certain never to do so (NIDA.org). It is not necessarily easy to guide your child down the path of healthy decision making. This is especially true in today’s world, which seems to glamorize teen substance use and risky behaviors, in large part, through the recent explosion of technology and social media.
Does it seem like an effort to get your children to say anything to you besides, “Fine” and “What’s for dinner?” Lack of communication can make parents feel closed off from their own kids. But, DON’T DESPAIR! You can get kids to talk to you – really. Try these six suggestions from experts:
1.Don’t compare yourself to TV families.
If you watch shows like Modern Family or The Middle and wonder why your kids aren’t as chatty as the kids on those shows, you are not alone. Those [TV] parents have scriptwriters and 22 minutes of airtime to solve problems. In real life, it takes longer to make changes, but, the changes are real, not made up.
2. Pause and take a deep breath.
Telling your kids that you are upset about their one-word answers will only make the problem worse. Calm down and put things into perspective. You’re probably doing better than you think in the communication department.
Talk, Share, and Listen
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3. Quiet your inner interviewer.
Instead of peppering your child with questions every day, just ask them one. This may seem insuf cient, but as you have more success getting them to answer you once, your child will feel more comfortable chatting and may even start volunteering more information.
4. Put down your phone!
If you want your kids to talk to you, set aside your cell, tablet or any other electronic distraction, says Loni Coombs, author of You’re Perfect...and Other Lies Parents Tell. “Make your body language open and assuring: Turn your whole body toward your child and make eye contact. This is important, because when there is something really important that they need to talk about, they will feel like they can come to you because they know you will
listen.5”. Make meals fun.
Since mealtimes are often when most
families gather, make that time an enjoyable one. Draw out your kids by hiding questions under each plate. Or have each family member write out a question, suggests Coombs. “Everyone feels more talkative when there’s food involved. Sharing in the preparation of the meal is also a good time to talk.”
6. Consider instituting family meetings.
Create an environment where conversation is encouraged. Schedule times several days a week to get together and share your thoughts as a family. This will become part of the family ritual and encourages conversation and sharing.
And to keep things going, avoid asking Closed-ended questions. Instead of asking, “How was your day?”, which often leads to one-word answers, ask, “What’s the best thing and the worst thing that happened in school today?” And always respond with non- judgmental comments.
The STOP Underage Drinking in the Flathead Coalition continues to direct our messages to the adults and parents in our community. Our mission is, “To create a community environment that enhances the opportunity for youth of Flathead County to realize their full potential to become healthy, happy, responsible citizens by preventing and reducing alcohol, tobacco and other drug use.”
For information or inquiries contact Melanie Mellgren-Sidmore, Prevention Specialist, at The STOP Underage Drinking in the Flathead Coalition.
[email protected]
(406) 756-5659
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Stop Underage Drinking in the Flathead Coalition
JULY 20, 2016 // FLATHEADBEACON.COM
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