The season of fish porn is upon us. By that I mean for the next several months my buddies and I will be shooting and transmitting illicit photos of large trout to boast about our prowess as hunter-gatherer types.
It’s an old game really, once played by passing around snap shots whenever anglers gathered. Often fish porn is left pinned to bulletin boards in public places for anonymous strangers to ogle. But the Internet has changed things.
First there was email. That was a fine way to show off, but the dialogue was really just between sender and recipient. Facebook transformed fish porn bragging, elevating it to a high art that includes not just shaming your fishing pals, but doing so in front of all the people you went to high school with. Psychologists must be having a field day sorting out the implications of this. I’m sure it is somehow related to the common Hollywood subplot of the smart geek who uses the wealth and power accumulated as an adult to crush those who delivered said geek to repeated garbage-can face plants, only the fish porn shaming isn’t quite so twisted.
The first step in using fish porn to prove your superiority to the cheerleader who once wouldn’t give you the time of day is taking quality shots. There are a few rules to follow.
First, you need to decide if you’re a catch-and-release type. That’s me generally, so I’ll focus my attention there. The DFDF photo (dead fish, dumb fisherman) isn’t that complicated anyway. Just club the brut over the head with a rock (I meant the fish!) and hold it up for posterity.
When you’re going for the artsy release shot avoid sticking your finger in the gills, squeezing the bejesus out of the thing, or handling the fish with dry hands. All will contribute to that “released” fish eventually going belly up.
A good way to give a fish a shot at survival is to keep it in the water. A landing net is key. We’ll often keep the fish in the net in the water, still hooked, until the photographer has everything set up. Then, working quickly, we’ll unhook the fish and hold it for the glory shot. If your camera has a motor drive, use it. This creates duplicates and avoids the problem of having your one and only trophy shot ruined by an ill-timed blink.
Don’t extend your arms to make a minnow look like a bruiser, and don’t take photos of fish covered in blood.
Do avoid shadows and use a fill flash on some of your shots. But shoot a few without as well. Flash can sometimes wash out the color of the fish and create hot spots.
And my No. 1 tip: catch a photo-worthy fish in the first place.