A local man promised to deliver “Montana justice” on his enemies.

A Kalispell woman accidentally called 911 while setting up her iPhone. She apologized for the mistake but then added that since she was on the phone with 911 she should report her neighbor’s illegal bonfire.

A Kalispell woman called 911 to ask if there was any correlation between the amount of junk mail she’s been getting and her computer crashing. She thinks “bitcoin” has something to do with it.

12:56 a.m. A Kalispell woman reported that she was “scared to death that she would be attacked by the invisible aliens.” The dispatcher asked if the woman was under the influence of any drugs or alcohol and she said that she was not. However, later in the conversation she mentioned that she had just done meth.

A Kalispell woman reported that a “disheveled” couple was standing in front of her house with a bucket and a sponge. The woman saw the man point at her cat and tell the woman next to him, “Hey hon, there’s a cat. You want a cat?” The caller said she then promptly went outside to get her cat and when she did the pair asked if they could wash her windows.

A state trooper in South Carolina called to inquire about job opportunities at the sheriff’s office. Apparently one detail he hadn’t researched about the prospects of moving to Montana is the two-hour time difference.

A Kalispell man called to complain that someone was doing “brodies” in the yard.

A shoeless woman and a man “who looked like he had had a rough night” flagged down a passing driver to ask for jumper cables.

A delivery guy “butt dialed” 911 in Coram.

A woman called to report that her party’s boat was busted and they couldn’t get to shore, and that everyone on the boat was drunk.

Some youths with fireworks were asked to “move along.”

Two people sustained minor injuries during a fight over the 1989 Walt Disney Pictures classic “The Little Mermaid.”

A drunken Kalispell woman called 911 and yelled about her stolen trailer. She was reminded, for the fifth time that day, that her trailer had not been stolen and to only call if there was an emergency.

A woman in Marion was taking a selfie when she apparently called 911 by mistake.

A new businessman called 911 because a competitor keeps calling and screaming, “This is my valley!” in an apparent attempt to intimidate the man and prevent him from opening his new store.