Get Her to a Bathroom!

7:26 a.m. A vehicle in the alley won’t move.

9:02 a.m. Mail-order medicines were swiped.

9:03 a.m. Some lanterns were stolen.

1:05 p.m. Two dogs crossed the road.

1:32 p.m. Packages were stolen.

1:43 p.m. A man was accused of putting spyware on his girlfriend’s phone.

2:36 p.m. A cat with a busted leg was reportedly “very stinky.”

2:51 p.m. A guy who was just dropped off started yelling at customers.

3:42 p.m. A man has been driving his girlfriend’s rental car since she went to jail.

3:53 p.m. A new neighborhood dog is barking too much.

4:57 p.m. A so-called roommate had been living rent-free for two years.

5:36 p.m. Two boys and a girl were throwing rocks at other kids.

6:21 p.m. A medical patient accused his nurse of holding him hostage.

8:08 p.m. An intoxicated roommate fell on a pack of fancy puppies in a pen. The puppies were unharmed.

8:37 p.m. A driver spinning donuts in a cul-de-sac crashed into a parked truck.

9:25 p.m. A red truck with kids in the bed was spinning brodies in a parking lot.

10:04 p.m. A lot of people were hollering from the bed of a different truck that keeps circling the block.

10:05 p.m. Yet another truck was spotted with someone in the bed.

10:08 p.m. “The emergency is a girl with an explosive a—.“

10:49 p.m. The third-hand report about someone trying to break in to a woman’s house was unfounded.

10:59 p.m. A mailbox was “cleaned out.”

11:07 p.m. Some “driving age” boys were hanging out on the sidewalk.

11:13 p.m. A hotel guest singing and yelling loudly was asked to keep it down.

11:31 p.m. A woman accused of yelling at cars said she was just talking on speakerphone.