Jan. 4, 3:17 p.m. A Kalispell man called to report that his daughter refused to help bring in the groceries.
Jan. 10, 1:47 a.m. A Bigfork man tipped over his fridge in a fit of rage.
Jan. 11, 8:19 a.m. A local teen called to report that her dad and step-mom were smoking way too much marijuana.
Jan. 18, 2:53 p.m. A Kalispell man reported that one of his enemies had walked into the store he was in. Upon further investigation, it was just someone who looked like one of his enemies.
Jan. 24, 9:05 p.m. A man was driving really fast and then really slow through Kalispell.
Jan. 25, 10:23 a.m. Two Kalispell children were playing with a phone and accidentally called 911. When the 911 dispatcher asked if everything was OK, the children said yes. When the 911 dispatcher asked if they could speak to an adult, the child holding the phone handed it to the other child who made their voice deeper to try and convince the dispatcher that they were an adult and that everything was OK. The dispatcher was not fooled by this trick and asked again to speak with an adult.
Jan. 29, 8:39 a.m. Some antlers were stolen in Kalispell.
Feb. 7, 3:50 a.m. A Kalispell man rolled over his phone while sleeping and somehow dialed 911.
Feb. 8, 12:46 p.m. A skier at Whitefish Mountain Resort pocket dialed 911. The man reported that there was no emergency but that there’s “six inches of fresh powder and the skiing is pretty good.”
Feb. 8, 9:30 p.m. “Marisa drank too much vodka.”
Feb. 12, 6:12 a.m. A patient at a Libby hospital was looking out a window when they saw a car burst into flames. They quickly alerted someone to the fire.
Feb. 13, 12:01 p.m. A Libby woman called 911 because her neighbor’s cat has been eating her cat’s food for the last two months.
Feb. 21, 10:58 a.m. A Hungry Horse resident called to report that the “rabbits are loose and the dogs are chasing after them.”
Feb. 22, 4:15 p.m. A Kalispell woman was sitting on a park bench watching her kids play while drinking a beer out of an Arby’s cup.
March 1, 6:26 p.m. A Kalispell caller said someone was throwing dog excrement all over his fence.
March 7, 12:14 p.m. A garden sculpture depicting a young girl sitting next to a bunny on a log was stolen in Kalispell.
March 13, 4:25 p.m. There was an abandoned wheelchair on Shady Lane.
March 20, 6:46 p.m. A drunk guy was running around with a pick ax.
March 21, 10:45 a.m. A Kalispell man did some social distancing by sitting in his backyard by himself and firing his gun almost nonstop. His neighbor called to complain that it was starting to sound like “a war zone.”
March 27, 8:28 a.m. A Libby man called 911 to see if it was OK for him to go to Spokane.
March 28, 7:46 p.m. Someone called 911 because they saw a group of people larger than 10 hanging out in Bigfork.
April 1, 10:51 p.m. A man was high and drumming on things.
April 2, 12:40 p.m. A local man called 911 because he thinks people are sneaking into his house to film pornographic movies but no one believes him. He said he had proof of the alleged filmmaking and needed a deputy to come down and check it out.
April 8, 12:47 a.m. A wealthy Kalispell resident called 911 to announce he had hand sanitizer that he was willing to give away.
April 13, 10:50 p.m. A tow truck driver called 911 because he saw a mountain lion run out in front of him while he was driving and he just had to tell someone.
April 15, 7:09 a.m. A man trying to buy toilet paper got punched.
April 21, 1:56 p.m. Someone accidentally sent some “racy” photos to all their friends.
May 1, 4:30 p.m. A man was walking down the highway with a sword.
May 11, 2:24 p.m. “Loose cow.”
May 12, 11:25 a.m. A man who calls himself “The Black Wolf” was causing problems.
May 20, 5:57 p.m. A Columbia Falls man called 911 to report that he did not need the cops at his location — yet.
June 11, 6:07 a.m. A Kalispell man called 911 to report his neighbor was loading a body into his truck. He later called back to clarify that he “saw nothing.”
June 19, 10:13 p.m. Two men parked their car, looked around and stuffed rocks in their pockets. When asked what they were doing, they answered “oh sh—t” and peeled out of the parking lot.
June 20, 8:05 p.m. The golfer on the sixth green at a local course turned out to be a black bear.
July 1, 8:12 p.m. A woman who identified herself as a “voting member of Whitefish” demanded to know why the fireworks had been canceled.
July 2, 4:04 p.m. A frustrated dog activated the car alarm after its owner went into a pet store without it.
July 9, 3:48 p.m. A Harry Potter fan found a dog that looked like Dobby the House Elf.
July 11, 12:35 a.m. Police were alerted to an “aggressively loud” disturbance that included a man yelling, “I’m going to kill you all.” When contacted, the man and woman playing Dungeons and Dragons apologized and said they would keep it down in the future.
July 17, 10:27 p.m. The Flathead Beacon editor called to say the “suspicious” photographer was on assignment for the paper.
July 23, 2:45 p.m. A phone was found with screen shots about Antifa on it.
July 25, 4:47 p.m. Trash pickup day is Thursday, but a neighbor put their container out on Saturday.
July 26, 10:24 p.m. A flannel-wearing man threw a grapefruit at a passing car.
Aug. 2, 12:30 a.m. A woman believed her neighbors were telling their kids to noisily play basketball in the middle of the night in an effort to annoy her.
Aug. 5, 3:04 p.m. A cat jumped out of a vehicle and bit two car wash employees. Hours later, when the vehicle’s owner was tracked down, she informed officers she was not missing a cat and suggested the crime may have been committed by a feline stowaway. The cat was taken to the shelter for further questioning.
Aug. 6, 2:15 p.m. Someone was complaining about Robert E. Lee.
Aug. 13, 7:18 a.m. A woman wanted to know what to do with a shed full of cats.
Aug. 13, 9:52 p.m. Brian pushed someone.
Aug. 19, 3:07 p.m. A woman was accused of getting naked and rolling around at the park.
Aug. 20, 2:53 p.m. Grandma threw a flowerpot at someone in Kalispell.
Aug. 27, 2:10 p.m. A man carrying a rifle was seeking vengeance against the dog that killed his chicken.
Aug. 31, 6:52 p.m. A woman watched a man laugh hysterically as her dog ate. She reported this as evidence that her dog was being poisoned.
Sept. 1, 10:19 a.m. A woman put mud on her face and claimed it was her “COVID mask.”
Sept. 1, 3:04 p.m. After he was told his children would have to wear masks at school, a man cursed at a school official and ran over the school’s traffic cones.
Sept. 2, 7:52 a.m. A mustachioed man flipped someone off.
Sept. 9, 3:15 p.m. A man went to a school to scream in the principal’s face about “having rights.”
Sept. 9, 8:28 p.m. A Kalispell resident reported a census taker threatened to “come back another day.”
Sept. 10, 9:55 a.m. A man with bananas in his hands was itching for a fight.
Sept. 17, 12:05 p.m. A man trying to turn around in Lincoln County accidentally went through a gate and entered private property, at which point a person in another vehicle threatened to kill him and “made him strip naked.”
Oct. 1, 6:34 p.m. A neighbor said “screw it, let’s go get the drugs” a little too loudly.
Oct. 2, 9:55 a.m. Someone worried the large, white bus was going to be a problem during an upcoming Trump rally, believing it was “related to Antifa.”
Oct. 2, 4:23 p.m. A fence was erected to keep an annoying neighbor at bay. Alas, he’s now throwing things over the fence.
Oct. 7, 1:34 a.m. A bear was growling at some neighborhood cows.
Oct. 14, 2:31 p.m. A Bigfork woman locked herself in her closet.
Oct. 15, 2:29 p.m. A man stuffed a dog under his shirt and ran away while “looking back very suspiciously.”
Oct. 15, 5:44 p.m. A bear cruising through a Whitefish neighborhood was “just being a bear.”
Oct. 16, 4:21 p.m. A man who thought an “acorn or something” fell on his vehicle was surprised to learn his driver side door was struck by an arrow.
Oct. 21, 4:25 p.m. A man was upset that his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend was throwing full beer bottles at him and not one of the five empty ones nearby.
Oct. 23, 6:44 p.m. In a sure sign that winter has arrived, a black Subaru was “doing brodies” in a parking lot.
Oct. 25, 3:35 p.m. Spinning brodies went horribly wrong and now three ducks are dead.
Oct. 29, 10:16 p.m. A highly intoxicated woman said she wanted to go to jail because “she likes handcuffs.”
Nov. 18, 1:14 a.m. A man yelled “f—k the police” after an officer declined to give him a ride to the grocery store.
Nov. 19, 10:32 p.m. When asked if Roger Rabbit was his real name, a rude man said, “yeah, do you think that’s funny?” and started cursing.
Nov. 24, 11:08 p.m. Three kids tried to steal a beer.
Dec. 2, 5:17 p.m. The cops were called on “two high schoolers in love, looking at the trees” at a local park.
Dec. 4, 7:49 p.m. A woman called 911 because “he is just being an a—hole.”
Dec. 9, 4:21 p.m. A man’s “rear end was hanging out.”
Dec. 10, 3:30 p.m. The person reporting a break-in at their storage unit couldn’t wait any longer for the cops to show up because they had to get the fox in the back of their vehicle to the taxidermist.
Dec. 11, 10:08 p.m. “The emergency is a girl with an explosive a—.“