My husband, Jon, passed away on Aug. 13 after a long journey with Alzheimer’s. I vividly remember sitting in the neurologist’s office and hearing him say, “Jon, you are showing signs of early onset dementia.” He was 68. I was lucky to have had no prior experience with a loved one and dementia.
The journey began with a change in Jon’s personality, less interest in socializing, and a decline in his overall well-being. Lists became a common sight, and he started complaining about not feeling well. Jon was never one to complain and was always up for any adventure or fun. Luckily, my good friend Valinda Stephens, former CEO at what is now Logan Health, helped me assemble a team of doctors to conduct tests on Jon. Neurology became the focal point. We gathered the family for a meeting over Labor Day to discuss the diagnosis, approaching it with our usual method of reading, researching, and talking. Over the next six years, there were countless subtle changes in Jon’s behavior. Some days were normal, while others were extremely challenging, such as fires in the microwave, letting the dogs out in the middle of the night, or finding cats kept in the shower, along with unusual breakfast choices like pie and beer.
The most significant change was the loss of Jon’s ability to think about others and the subsequent loss of empathy. This loss, however, allowed me to discover a depth of empathy and patience I never knew I had. Routine doctor’s appointments became major events. I found peace in Jon’s passing after a particularly trying few months. The memories from numerous friends and family members warm my heart daily. I want to remember Jon for who he was, the incredible happy life we shared, and the wisdom and intelligence of a great partner and friend. The disease robbed Jon of that and took it from me as well.
It has taken a great deal of energy and intention to keep living during the last three years when Jon was at the Springs. We were fortunate to have the Memory Care unit in Whitefish, which provided Jon with a safe and worry-free environment. Even though I had a plan to keep living and working, there was always latent guilt for not seeing him every day. Holding your partner in need in your heart and mind while moving forward takes a tremendous amount of strength.
I couldn’t have moved forward without the support of family and friends. My heartfelt gratitude goes out to them. His journey being over I am trying to focus on the precious time that is left. Be kind, keep moving, forgive, laugh, live in the moment and be grateful.
Liz is fascinated by the various approaches to aging — from denial, to plastic surgery, to running marathons, to depression. Given our current demographics, Liz thinks there is a lot to explore, celebrate and learn from those living and aging in the Flathead Valley. Contact her at [email protected].