Once upon less turbulent times Montana’s farmers and ranchers turned to their cows to interpret the political and economic platforms of U.S. presidents.
If today was only so simple:
Capitalism: You have two cows, you sell one and buy a bull;
Democracy: You have two cows, the government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign land who has only one cow, which was a gift from your country;
Subsidies: You have two cows, the government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain;
Corporate: You have two cows, you sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, and then act surprised when it drops dead;
Fascism: You keep your two cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk;
Socialism: You have two cows, the government takes one and gives it to your neighbor;
Communism: You have two cows, the government takes both and then gives you some milk;
Nazism: You have two cows, the government shoots you and keeps the cows.
As a syndicated columnist over the years, I’ve resorted to the popular two-cow criterion to help readers better understand the mindsets and manifestos of our presidents, Democrats and Republicans, who despite their political differences shared more in common than not.
Our current commander in chief, on the other hand, is proving to be a tough nut for even a cow to crack, especially when trying to decipher his “America First” (read shock and awe) approach to governing:
Never before has a U.S. president continuously chipped away at his country’s democratic norms. Never before has a U.S. president used blatant intimidation to enforce personal loyalty. Never before has a U.S. president declared that federal courts have no legal jurisdiction over the whims of a White House. Never before has a US president in a matter of minutes inflicted such enormous damage to the strongest economy in the world and its people.
And that was just last week.
It’s enough to make one question whether we should continue to count on cows to explain what system of government it is we’re living under?
I defer to trial attorney Roger Tansey, who posts on X:
MAGA: You have two cows, Trump takes one for himself and divides the other among his billionaire friends.
John McCaslin is a longtime journalist and author who lives in Bigfork.