It makes me nuts when bars and restaurants use black cocktail napkins because I can’t write things on them – someone’s contact info, an idea that popped into my head, a thought about the very place I’m in.
So over the years, whenever white cocktail napkins are available, I’ve collected a bunch of these “napkin notes” and while some are impossible to decipher and others have contact information for people whose names I no longer recognize, there are those that have some thoughts and impressions I thought I’d pass on to you.
Noisy restaurants. From what I read in a recent Wall Street Journal, it’s all the rage in restaurant design to use flat, hard surfaces, open kitchens, little or no carpeting, plain tables with no cloth – all the stuff that makes a restaurant very noisy. Anything that helps dampen noise is absent, because to some, noise equals success. I experienced this firsthand in a new restaurant in Sint Maarten last month, and while the food was really excellent, the decibel level made the experience less than enjoyable.
Audiologists will tell you that 80 decibels is when sound becomes uncomfortable for the average human and it’s even lower as people age, so I’m wondering why restaurant designers think that it’s okay that two people have to scream at each other in order to be heard while trying to enjoy a meal?
Here’s another: Restaurants with undertrained staff. I learned early on – at the very first restaurant I worked in – that no wait staff were permitted to work in the dining room until they knew the menu backwards and forwards, including the ingredients, preparation methods, etc. They also knew that the proper way to serve wine is (a) present the bottle to confirm the selection; (b) cut the foil and use the corkscrew to remove the cork and present the cork; (c) leave the wine glass on the table – don’t pick it up – and pour a small amount to be tasted; (d) when signaled that the wine is acceptable, pour the wine for the others at the table first and the selector last.
Tipping. Having worked as a waiter, I know the importance of tips. I also think I know how to earn a tip. And while I know that many wait staff depend on tips to earn a living, I am mystified by certain behaviors. “Do you need change?” is the most annoying presumptuous question a waiter or waitress can say and it almost always leads me to respond, “Yes, if you want a tip.”
Tipping. Part two. Since when does pouring a cup of coffee deserve a tip? Since when does self-service require a reward for the cashier? When I see a container labeled “Tips,” I am repelled. Tips are supposed to be earned. They are not an entitlement. And while I understand that many states’ labor laws allow restaurants to pay their workers below minimum wage with the expectation that tips will supplement their income, there should be no presumption that a tip is automatic or deserved no matter what.
Menu Spell-check. For goodness sake, every word processing program in existence has spell-check, and while it’s not foolproof, you’d think that menu writers would give their creations a second look. I hereby exempt all Chinese restaurants from this, because it’s actually part of the entertainment. But in furtherance of my observation, I would like to invite all of you who read this column/blog to send me your favorite menu misspellings and bizarre descriptors.
Here’s a starter for you: I was at a restaurant in Israel, and there is a Bedouin delicacy made from sheep’s eyes. On the menu it said, “Lamp Balls.”
Under-pour/Overcharge. I’m back on the wine thing again. A 750 ml bottle of wine should yield about 5 glasses, according to restaurant service norms. That’s 150 ml per pour. Translated into English, that’s about five ounces each. I’ve noticed a number of restaurants with a standard 3.5 to 4 ounce pour. Considering that in many restaurants wine by the glass sells for anywhere from $7 to $15 per glass, that’s bald-faced overcharging.
Beverages are where the profits are made in the restaurant business. You’d be stunned to know how little it costs to pour an average glass of soda pop. (Okay, it’s about five cents – which is why I’m astounded when I see people pay $2.00 or more for a fountain drink and load the cup to the brim with ice.) Back to wine: Most restaurants use what’s called a triple keystone to price their wine, which means that whatever their wholesale cost, the retail price is three times that amount. Break it up by the glass and it’s even pricier.
Bottom line: Give me a proper pour and I promise you a proper tip.