I broke my last pilsner glass the other day. It broke in the dishwasher when it rattled against the pots and pans in the rinse cycle.
The good news is that my daughters were visiting, and one was in the kitchen with me as I unloaded the broken glass. “Christmas is coming,” she said as she spied my sad face as I dropped the shards in the trash.
Ah, serendipity. Maybe I won’t have to buy the replacements myself.
A new set of pilsner glasses. That’s the perfect gift. Not too expensive and used nearly every day. If only all holiday shopping was this easy. A friend makes a spontaneous declaration of need, and you deliver on the big day. For the last year or so I’ve been telling everyone that I really NEED a Sage One fly rod, 9-foot 5-weight to be exact. We’ll see if Santa comes through.
This gift-giving business really is tough. And it may be doubly so when it comes to outdoor types, especially those of us who are as deep into niche hobbies as I am into fly-fishing. My major fly-fishing purchases are carefully thought out, and I only pull the trigger after considerable research. I don’t drop cash on toys casually, reserving my profligacy for food and travel.
So that Sage isn’t on my shopping list. It may be a testament to modern fly rod engineering, but it’s a $775 testament. There are plenty of rods out there at half the price that will do the job just as well, and still leave enough cash in my wallet to afford a bargain flight to Las Vegas and a couple of meals that will put a smile on my face and way too many points on my cholesterol score.
I generally advise against fishing and hunting gear as Christmas gifts. But if you’re determined, here are a few tips I can pass along, often having learned the hard way:
- Fellas, no matter how strong the impulse, resist all temptations to buy your wife, lover or significant other, camouflage-patterned lingerie. I don’t care how much that Mossy Oak camisole is working for you, don’t do it, at least if you intend to ever have sex again.
- Never surprise someone with the gift of a firearm for Christmas. Surprise is the operative word here. If, however, your partner has been leaving catalogs lying around the house all opened to the page of same rifle you know he’s been coveting for seasons, go ahead and “surprise” him. The key here is that it really isn’t a surprise. If fly rods are personal, firearms are like a toddler’s blankie. Only “the one” will do, and even nearly identical substitutes will result in unrelenting screaming.
If you think a gun is the perfect gift, but aren’t sure without question about what your special someone wants, surprise her with the offer of lunch, and then just happen to wind up at the gun counter instead, “just to look.” Let her shop until she settles on the one she’d like someday, then “surprise” her by buying it on the spot. Then do lunch.
- Books are your friend. Fly-fishing, hunting, ice climbing, whatever your friend is into. If they like it, they’ll read it. If they don’t, they’ll take it back and exchange it for one they do. Or they’ll lend it to a friend, never to be seen again. That’s what books are for.
- If books are your friend, alcohol is your BFF. Whisky is a good bet. I’m fond of bourbon. Scotch is also popular with outdoorsy types. The labels of the good stuff often sport renderings of stag or grouse. Use camouflage wrapping paper to complete the theme.
- Ladies, surprise the old man by slipping into some camouflage lingerie. You know he’s dying for it, and this is, after all, the season of giving. As a side benefit, he will now put up only token resistance when you tell him he has to paint the living room instead of going ice fishing in the morning.
Merry Christmas.