When I was 6 years old, I made my mother a card for her 29th birthday. My heartwarming thoughts scribbled in Catholic school cursive included: “Don’t worry Mom, you aren’t old until you are 30.” I turned 42 this week; my children are much smarter than I am and know the wisdom in not providing false reassurance of my advancing age, but I can’t help but notice the external recognition I get has changed.
I have thought since childhood that the day I began being referred to as “ma’am” was the day I would officially be viewed by others as “old.” Yesterday, I was at the gas station buying beverages for the carpenters working at my house. I was standing in line and my arms were getting weak from carrying the beverages (one more sign of age) so I put one box down on the floor. As I approached the counter to pay for my purchases, the gentleman behind me said, “Let me help you with that ma’am” and picked up my second box from the floor and placed it on the counter for me. This gentleman was probably in his early 20s, and I giggled to myself that I have now officially hit “ma’am” stage. Forever more, I may be referred to as “ma’am” and deserve it.
What is also clear to me, is kindness is ever present in Kalispell, Montana. As I stood in line at the gas station, I looked around. The place was very busy, yet not a terse word was spoken about the delays engendered by limited staffing and a rush of patrons. The rush of the day did not deter patrons from opening doors for others, saying “please” and “thank you,” and helping patrons like me carry goods. As I drove out of the gas station, a traffic jam occurred and to clear it, the “Montana Wave On” occurred. You know the “Wave On” if you have lived for any length of time at all in Montana; it is the ever considerate “I know I have the right of way, but you go ahead” wave of the hand. The “Montana Wave On” is as common as the “Montana Salute:” the two-finger gesture from the steering wheel provided to all passersby, whether known or unknown. So, between the help from the kid that referred to me as “ma’am,” the “Montana Wave On” that cleared the traffic jam, and the “Montana Salute” that I received and gave on my way home, my angst over aging subsided, as my appreciation for the life I have and the people I live with in this community took over. I took a deep breath and thought: I love Montana.
Tammi Fisher is an attorney and former mayor of Kalispell.